memories are beautiful and broken.

"You forget all of it baby. First you forget everything you learned - the dates... Pythagorean theorum. You especially forget everything you didn't really learn, but just memorised the night before. You forget the names of all but one or two of your teachers, and eventually you'll forget those too. You forget your junior year class schedule and where you used to sit and your best friend's phone number and the lyrics to that song you must have played a million times. And eventually, but slowly, oh so slowly, you forget your humiliations - even the ones that seemed indelible just fade away. You forget who was cool and who was not, who was pretty, smart, athletic, and not. Who went to a good college. Who threw the best parties. Who could get you pot. You forget all of them. Even the ones you said you loved, and even the ones you actually did. They're the last to go. And then once you've forgotten enough, you love someone else."

*from memoirs of a teenage amnesiac by gabrielle zevin*

the truth is sometimes all you need to hear. 

the world is messed up.

please give me a day of smiles.

there is nothing but endless possibilities.

sometimes i wonder.
i wonder what tomorrow will hold. i wonder if it will be a good day. i wonder how cold it will be. i wonder if i will seem different next year. i wonder if i will love again. i wonder who i can actually trust. i wonder how long i will be here. i wonder if i'll make the most of every second. i wonder if things will ever be like this again. i wonder if things will be like they used to be.

i sometimes think too much.
the future scares me.
but the future keeps me hopeful. 

when things become a little chilly.

winter. i adore this time of year. the time when you have an excuse to stay in and curl up. when you can raid shops for scarfs and big wollies. the days become colder, shorter. the snow comes. lips and toes freeze. everything seems fresh. everything seems better.

(own image.)

what do i want to be in five years?

happy.

 

in between time.

you really do have to be grateful for what you have.

i'm grateful for this summer. for the discoveries. the laughter. the tears. the growing up.

i've lost things this summer, but i've also gained so much. i still have my family, my friends. all those that i know will help me battle with things to come. but i am stronger now to face it all. the time between the end of secondary school and the beginning of college has been labeled as the 'in between time'. you don't particularly belong anywhere. we're free to explore. and i actually think i have. discovered, laughed, cried, grew up a bit. 

there's nothing more you could want from a summer.

cry faithlessness, then just have a little faith.

sometimes the greatest thing is letting it all out. cry until hysterics.

in the long run it makes you feel better. i've spent so much time recently feeling messed up. when all you want to do is run, not so much away, just run until your legs are incasing all your pain. scream as loud as you can. unload all of the emotion from your heart. because it is tearing you to pieces. and you know what, there is some strength in those tears. strength to keep you moving forward.

i'm a million contradictions.

i am megan. Welcome. Hello. Hola.

my life is not straightforward. sometimes it does choose to tidy up a little. 

i don't have all the answers. i'm the one with most of the questions.

i'm not always happy. i'm not always sad. 

i'm the one that listens. i can talk quite a bit.

i am not normal. i prefer to be different.

i need my friends. i need my family.

i like to move on. i never forget where i came from.

i don't have outrageous confidence. i get by as best i can.

i'm not fearless. if anything i'm fearful.

i am full of desire. i am not scared to dream.

i sometimes make perfect sense. other times? 

i just choose to ramble...