clocks roll back; so does my mind.

when i was younger, 

and stress was non-existant,

and homework consisted of reading a few pages of a book every night.

 our family would always sit down,

on the day the clocks went back,

to watch a cheesy family film,

and outside as the world got cold and dark around us on that october evening, 

we would just sit, and watch, together, in the warm of the sofa.

it's not the longest lasting memory or worth much. but i do miss it.

and if i start bouncing around with joy over this time of the year, you know why. 

the world becomes a little more like magic. and i love it.

 

farewell summer, hello winter. <3

i'll toast to the freedom! but not to the aftermath.

the world is better

when your head is spinning.

and nothing can focus.

and your thoughts have no way in.

your floating. on a cloud of infinite possibility. 

perfection is possible. 

it peels away the barriors.

but then reality returns.

like a cool, slow rain on a cold day. 

unwelcoming.

and the walls pile back up. 

it was good while it lasted.

outside, the clouds were rolling by. while inside, we were lazing on sofa's.

i do spend too much of my time, thinking, or planning, or wondering.

maybe of how i want everything to be. to turn out. 

my regrets.

instead of living for this second. right now. 

this second has been a long time coming

and though it passes as soon as it reaches us. in a flash.

through a bundle of them, we can live our many possibilities,

of hope or desire, or a little bit of happiness sprinkled in.

time is magical. and it's there. to heal, to scar, to smile or cry through. 

it will always be ticking on by. and i guess it's a pretty stable thing to rely on. 

it will take away our bad times, while providing us with a new day.

 

today was a new kind of day. i felt free; impulsive; like i could let go of everything, and it wouldn't spiral out of control. 

that i could manage it all.

and my heart has opened a little. 

and i'm starting to feel a little more grounded. 

in a place, that even under all it's mass of crap, might really be quite beautiful.  

love to all my friends and family. you keep me moving. you are all such amazing people. <3

there should really be a balloon, or badge, or somet'.

i logged onto blogger this morning.

and it flashed up 1000 profile views. i know this is insignificant in the great scheme of things, but i did smile to myself.

thank you all for visiting, and reading and projecting your hope to me when i needed it most. 

blogger is like a second home in a way; a family, and i treasure every comment a person posts. 

you are all such truly amazing people.

i'm lucky at times i guess.

i've run out of band-aids.

the pain is torturing my mind and thoughts. 

sleep is all i want, but even that strikes up the hurt. 

my dreams are no longer dreams.

my mind can no longer think.

there is no room. 

stop pulling. just stop.

there is no solution, because this is the solution. 

stop. please stop.