Let the music play, let everything else fall away.

I'm sitting here. 

Surrounded by work which I need to finish.

I'm tired. 

And aching.

With a full day of serving people ahead of me tomorrow.

But I'm sitting here at 00:00, with a pen in my hand trying to write about the population of California. 

And with that pen in my hand, I'm staring at the screen. 

At a video of Bon Jovi on YouTube, singing 'Bed of Roses'. 

And the drums are pulsing through me. 

And blocking out all the things I'm trying to ignore about the future. 

Tomorrow. Next week. The next few months. 

The space between now and freedom, that I want to very much ignore. 

Everything is testing me at the minute. 

And only a handful of people can see how much I am hating it.

And how introverted I am becoming.

Because I want to focus. 

More than anything. 

But I have people asking for cultery and favours in one ear, and others asking for advice in another. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. I love my friends. I love all those around me. I haven't been there for many of them recently. And I'm really sorry for that. I miss them. 

But this is all the time I have to get things right. And I am wearing myself down. I need to stop stretching myself and get caught up with everything that has fallen behind me. I need to start sorting myself and my life out first. 

And I don't want to have the fear that if I'm not there I will loose people along the way. I can't deal with drama's right now. Quite frankly, I feel like I can't deal with anything. 

Please world, understand.